I wasn’t going to write today.  I was going to take the day off, and for a split second, I didn’t feel guilty about that choice.  A split and fleeting second that was over and replaced before I was able to enjoy it.  Then the crazy crept in.  As I looked at my Twitter feed, all I could see was post after post from Suzi So-and-So and Wendy Whooseywhatsit letting the world know that they’d just completed their 6,483rd day of daily posts which made me realize that yesterday was my 31st day and if I neglected today then tomorrow would require me to restart my counter back at one and then what was the point of discovering I might be a writer if I was going to waste my newfound resolve to WRITE by starting the new year off with a failure and that’s no way to set the tone so here I am vomiting out my neuroses yet again…..*deep breath.

My trouble today is two-fold:

1.  I am hungover.  Like, I-might-die-if I-stand-up-too-quickly-because-the-blood-will-rush-to-my-head-and-I-will-pass-out-in-a-crumpled-heap-which-will-upset-the-precarious-balance-of-my-stomach-and-cause-me-to-choke-on-the-vomit-that-comes-up-as-a-result HUNGOVER.  (I am *this close* to deciding that binge drinking should be retired with no pomp to my rapidly growing Murtaugh List. One whiskey shot?  Delightful.  Five?  In conjunction with an equally ridiculous number of Drop Top Pale Ales? Totally stupid.)  Any type of thinking that goes on whilst feeling this horrid is bound to be flawed in any number of key ways.  I am finding that it is incredibly difficult to concentrate on much else besides the pounding in my head keeping rhythm with the waves of nausea in my stomach.  Although, if I were to regale you with even half of the things I ALLEGEDLY did and said upon returning home last evening, I’m certain you might pee yourself from laughing so hard.  Drunk Jen stories notwithstanding, many of the brain cells I use when writing are still sweating out the poison I soaked them in last night.

2.  I had not foreseen the trouble I’d have with writing unprompted.  That was one thing that my Inner Monologue, in her infinite wisdom, neglected to worry about when naming her objections to the challenge I’ve put to myself.  Last night was the first night in 31 that I went to sleep NOT thinking of how to best answer a question.  (Admittedly, the only thing I was capable of thinking last night  was the verbal equivalent of the fetal position, but you get my point.) Reverb10 was an excellent running start, but its end has posed a stumbling block.  Today was not the day to be faced with that obstacle.  I’m not really in fighting condition right now.

In the end though, it looks as if I did get a little something onto the page, and I’m glad about that.  Tomorrow I shall begin in earnest figure out this trouble.  I know I want to write, and I know now that I want to do that everyday.  What’s left to figure out is the what of it all.  What are my expectations of the things I put out there into the world?  What will it all be about?  What are my topics?  Today was for questions (and gallons of 7-Up), tomorrow will be for answers.


15 thoughts on “Oh Groan!

  1. It’s rather pathetic, but I woke up with a grapefruit juice hangover rather than anything related to alcohol.

    I have this feeling that if you simply sit down and start typing, you’ll end up with excellent posts no matter what.

    I write every day, sometimes ALL day, but I don’t always share what i write. Some of it is a) very private, b) so sucky it would make you (especially in your current condition) lunge for the toilet to urp, c) exercise, like jogging in place or stretching, d) bits of things I eventually want to weave into publishable material (which is ind of part of “a)” I suppose).

    Feel better. Keep writing. I think it would be ok for you to take a day off to stick your head in the freezer. 😉

    1. Guuuurrrrrl, shoot! Nothing pathetic about it. Smart? Yes. Unclouded? Definitely. Pathetic? Not in a million years. I would have given three toes off of my left foot yesterday to not feel like I needed sunglasses in my darkened living room.

      And the writing everyday? That seems to be the universal advice. Some people share, some people keep it to themselves, but so far, EVERYONE has listed “Just Write” as the best advice they can give. I’m inclining myself toward agreement as the minutes pass.

      As for the freezer? Well, I stuck with my couch. And ate some enchiladas. Today, I feel like a million dollars.

  2. I looked at my laptop WAY over there in the corner and thought “Oh MY GOD I have to go BACK there and do MORE writing and there’s no hashtag expecting me and oh shit, what thoughts have I got to share with the world TODAY OR THIS YEAR or ever AGAIN and oh my god I can’t even REMEMBER what my blog is about and who AM I, really (this problem is confounded additionally by the fact that I am reading — though I just typed “eating” and fixed it — EAT. PRAY. LOVE. at the moment and I apparently half-think I am Liz Gilbert most of the day and the rest of the time I think — crap, I’m not — though the only resemblance we share at all is that she appears to be white as well as me. Sigh. Too bad about not writing, except that I DID write a post, and well I guess I could have gotten all META about #reverb10 and how NOW after the month is gone, I don’t have anything to say, but then I thought “Oh, EVERYBODY is going to do that” — well actually I DIDN’T think that at all until just now and my post for today is already up and it’s about being overweight (just wanting to lose a bit) and being undermotivated (more problems reading that DAMN BOOK!) and yeah NOBODY today is writing or even THINKING about weight loss so thank god I didn’t go down that road.

    Oh. I think I just puked on you. Sorry. Happy New Year.

  3. So, I’m watching NCIS and the dead guy has no feet and you’re hungover and so is Amanda and Elizabeth and Eliza beth isn’t and this post and comments had me chortling with glee.

    You see, I learned a long time ago that Hank Jr. was right; The Hangovers do hurt worse than they used to…

    Feel better soonest.

    1. Oh Jeebus, do they EVER! I’m glad that my misery proved at least the slightest bit entertaining. The evening itself was lovely and lively, but I went from zero to completely incoherent in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Not the finest of my moments, but eye-opening nonetheless. On the upside, quitting smoking was on my list of resolutions, and I still feel like if I even GLANCE at a cigarette right now, it’ll start an unpleasant stirring in my viscera. You say hangover, I say head start!

  4. I’m thinking that those of us that spent last night drinking Pepsi and playing nursemaid to still-sick-from-the-flu spouses would think themselves pretty fortunate if they could post unprompted as well as you did in your condition. Sorry you feel so crappy today, but I am glad you posted…it made me smile. Happy New Year!

    1. Oh if only I’d limited it to Pepsi….Gone are the days when I could drink like I did and then bound of of bed the next morning to start the whole process over. I’ve known this now for quite some time, but refused to really admit to its validity. It’s about time to give up the ghost, I’m afraid.

      Buon Anni!

  5. I feel ya. Not the hangover part (already on my Murtaugh list), but the “what now” part. I’ve been blogging for years, strictly for myself, with the occasional comment from Mom. I’m feeling all deer-in-the-headlights now, knowing that a few people are actually going to be reading/listening to whatever I crap out (until they realize it’s all crap, and then they’ll run for the hills!). I’m going to try private journaling everyday, editing/developing the most interesting bits (maybe even stuff from the past), with the goal of posting at least once a week. We’ll see how it goes. Hope you feel better soon…

    1. Thank you! This morning’s daylight saw me feeling like a whole new girl. I have no idea why I do that to myself.

      My trouble is that I see the whole shebang as one thing….public, private, po-tay-to, po-tah-to. I have been noticing over the past month though, that things strike me as odd or funny or interesting, and then I neglect to jot them down, and my points are lost in the ether. It’s time I start carrying around a little notepad like I did in days of yore…so that if I’m not around a immediately available keyboard, I have some chance at retaining the little things I wanted to share with the world.

  6. I can see from my reader that you kept writing, so I’ll stop myself from advising you to do so.

    I write every day. But I only write blog posts twice a week. (Three if you count my dorky book reviews that go up on Saturdays when Tumblr is working.) It’s one of the benefits of sharing a site with someone else. I use 750words so that I have the guilt of ruining my streak keeping me doing it. Writing for public consumption has its place and so does writing to flush your brain of toxins.

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