No, YOU hang up first…..

A week or so ago, InkyTwig linked to me in a chain letter like post.  I’d like to huff and puff and roll my eyes, but the truth is, like our dear Inky, I happen to secretly (not so secretly now….) adore things like this.  I’m confessional by nature and these little games indulge my sweetest tooth.  It’s kind of like playing the question game with that handsome boy you can’t get out of your head.  Except we’re not 13 anymore, and you, Dear Reader, are the handsome boy.  Anyway.  With the Scintilla Project starting soon, and me not having written anything at all fucking good for countless months, I thought this an ideal toe-back-in-the-water exercise.

THE RULES:

1.  Post these rules

2.  Come up with 11 odd facts about yourself

3.  Answer the questions of the person you were tagged by

4.  Create 11 new questions

5.  Tag other people.  (I am not tagging others because I think this has traveled to everyone I know already.  But feel free to answer some that you liked in the comments.)

 

ELEVEN THINGS YOU’D NEVER THINK TO ASK ABOUT ME:

1.  There is no reading material on the back of my toilet.  It is because I am the World’s Fastest Pooper.  It’s my superpower.  There’s not time to read the back of my hand lotion in there, let alone a novel.  I constantly wonder what it is that boys do in there for such large chunks of time.

2.  Sometimes, I love my dog more than anyone else.

3.  I make jokes in totally inappropriate situations.  It’s my defense against the awkward pause.  Which is generally caused by me in the first place.  If you ever walk into a room, and it’s silent, the air thick with unease and disbelief, more often than not, it’s my fault.

4.  I hate pancakes.

5.  I have a thing about how my groceries go on the conveyor belt at the grocery store.  There’s an order, and heaven help the checker if he/she starts randomly sorting into bags on her/his own….

6.  I collect postcards.  Are you traveling somewhere?  Send me one, it will earn you eternal gratitude and a spot in my spare room if you ever need it.

7.  Large sunglasses and gaudy cocktail rings make me feel like a lady.

8.  I have not, a single time, EVER, looked into the mirror and been pleased by what I see.

9.  I’m happiest on a beach with a book and a joint.

10.  I alternately hate people and crave their company, often at the same time.

11.  Thunderstorms and windchimes and dewy lilac trees trip through my head on the days I’m most at peace.

 

INKY TWIG’S QUESTIONS OF ME:

1. What is your earliest memory?  For most of my life, my family lived in upstate NY in a small town called Ballston Lake.  Before that, though, I was born in Buffalo, and my family lived for a year or so in Connecticut.  My parents owned a duplex on a hill where driveways were stuck together, but separated by small, wooden retaining walls.  I remember sitting on the retaining wall with an older girl from down the street, when a bee started buzzing around me.  The older girl told me to hold still and allow the bee to land.  I did, and it did and the fucking thing stung me on the left temple.  That was when I first learned that you can’t trust other girls.

2.  Name one scent that brings back a pleasant memory from your past….  In college, I tended bar at a place called the Monopole in Plattsburgh, NY.  We’d get off late after cleaning the bar and re-stocking and often go to each other’s houses to tie one on ourselves.  At four or five in the morning, I’d walk back to my apartment full of sleeping rugby boys and crawl into bed.  In the springtime, the sidewalk of the street around the corner was lined with beautiful old lilac trees.  Wet with morning dew, their fresh purple scent would walk me home with a gentle kiss good morning.

3.  What song gets you tapping your toes or dancing around the room without fail?  Music is my healer, so this is a tough one.  For many years, I frequented clubs and danced till the wee hours of the morning, so put on any Paul Van Dyk and I’ll surely bounce around.  I have a similar reaction to Luscious Jackson’s “Naked Eye”, and a more sexy version happens with Portishead’s “GloryBox”.  I’ll bounce in my car seat to Ani DiFranco’s “Little Plastic Castle” and lean old-school-gangster-style to anything off of Tribe Called Quest’s album, “Low End Theory”.

4.  You are in a crowd of people–you could totally fart and they would never know it was you who passed the nasty stink bomb.  Do you do it?  And HAVE you?  The answer here is simple.  Of course.  Holding in farts is one of the most uncomfortable sensations around.  Why on earth would you hold it in if you don’t have to?  And have I?  For sure.  This makes me a bad person, but I’m going to confess something to you:  I work a lot in Life Skills classrooms with individuals with little or no verbal ability.  They also have little or no control over bodily functions.  Who’s to say if it was them or me?

5.  Where/what is the most embarrassing place/situation you’ve had an attack of the giggles?  This is a tough one for me.  I laugh in totally inappropriate places.  An aunt farted at my great grandmother’s funeral and it wasn’t quiet, I had to leave the room.  On more than one occasion, I’ve been being reprimanded and found some manner of my superior’s speaking to be humorous.  I’ll often laugh right before I cry, which is the worst in a situation where you want someone to be taking your complaints seriously.

6.  If you won a 5 minute shopping spree at any store, what would it be?  Right away, I wanted to say Powell’s Books, but it takes much longer than five minutes to choose books.  And so, I’m going with Bergdorf’s.  Go big or go home, right?

7.  What is the one article of clothing you have in your closet that you cannot bear to part with even though it is old, outdated, worn-out etc…. (Wedding attire doesn’t count)?  This was a tough one.  I’m a bit of a clothes horse, and just this morning I was meandering through my wares, trying to make room for a couple of dresses I’d just purchased.  There are quite a few things in there that I don’t want to let go of.  The is one old, flannel-like shirt that I’ve had since I was in 6th or 7th grade.  It’s a henley-style paper bag tunic with a zipper in the front and a muted, fall color check pattern that I used to wear all the time.  It’s probably the older thing in there, aside from some of the vintage finds I’ve picked up over the years.  It’s old and cozy and never fails to go well with a pair of jeans on a fall day.

8.  What is your television guilty pleasure?  I’m not a huge television person.  I like the Biggest Loser and also Project Runway, but I don’t feel guilty about either one.

9.  Cake or Pie and what flavor?  YES PLEASE!  Desserts are my jam.  Carrot cake, pumpkin cheesecake, blueberry pie, apple cinnamon crumble, chocolate layer cake, peanut butter pie…..get the idea?

10.  Name your favorite Captain and Tenille song:  I’m going with Do That To Me One More Time.

11.  What is the one movie you cannot and absolutely will not watch and why?  I don’t have a single one, but mostly, horror movies.  The ghost ones, with bleeding walls and phantasms.  I love being scared WHILE I’m watching the movie, but can’t handle the two weeks of fallout that follows where I can’t sleep and every shadow is an evil specter waiting for me to fall asleep.

 

AND NOW……MY ELEVEN QUESTIONS TO YOU:

1.  When do you feel the sexiest?

2.  What is the bravest you’ve ever had to be?  Did you disappoint yourself or come through in the end?

3.  What trait do you idolize in others that you can’t seem to wrap your head around yourself?

4.  You may have two months leave and an unlimited budget to travel anywhere and do anything OR you may save a village of babies who will die in five years anyway.  Which do you choose?

5.  You must go into witness protection, but you must go alone…do you?

6.  In what place do you live out your final days?

7.  You may spend one day doing absolutely anything on earth.  After 24 hours, only you are able to remember what you did.  What do you spend it doing?

8.  What’s the most unforgivable thing you’ve forgiven?

9.  Sweet or salty?

10.  A safe, long life, or a tumultuous, adventuresome short one?

11.  What’s next?

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One thought on “No, YOU hang up first…..

  1. #1 I have not ever, not even a little.
    #2 There is diffuse the bomb in the elementary school brave, and then there is grind out every day, faithfully, father, husband, son, witness to His glory brave. I do the latter.
    #3 Organized behavior and organized thought. How do they DO that?
    #4 I will ignore the obvious “travel anywhere and do anything” that allows me to save the babies on my way to travel and just save the babies. Five years is an eternity of joy for children and parents, no hesitation.
    #5 Yes, because all things eventually pass.
    #6 Home if I am lucky.
    #7 Resting. If not for the 50+ hour work weeks, 12 credit hours, 3 small kids and life the universe and everything being my current reality I might answer differently, but for now it’s all I can think to do.
    #8 It is quite simply the most difficult part of all the God calls us to do, for me anyway. I do not forgive easily or well. I would have to say that when I do forgive it’s more like allowing enough time to pass that the slight has become irrelevant than any choice to forgive. I believe it to be the yang to my extreme uber loyalty ying. But maybe I’m just being kind to myself.
    #9 I prefer black coffee at room temperature … uncomfortable. Is that a flavor? I do occasionally do a baked goods binge.
    #10 Safe and long. In my day dreams I am a gun wielding spy or fighting in some foreign civil war alongside Hemmingway, traveling the unknown frontier, building my own house from logs I have hewn myself with a small axe. In reality I long for the lazys years at the end, learing the childish wisdom of my grandchildren.
    #11 I wish I knew. Keep plugging along.

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