No Take Backs

Reverb ’13:  Day 1

How do you feel, on this first day, in your mind?  In your body?  In your heart?  In your soul?

 

I made the mistake, this first go, of reading other responses before I penned my own.  As a result, I find myself clouded and significantly affected by others; feeling vehemently in SO many directions that have nothing to do with what is going on in my own space, in my own moment.  I am finding it hard now, as most other days, to separate myself from the turmoil in the heads of those around me; to pin down what is mine, what I own, what is ME.  

This hangover is hanging on, and without being able to take action, to hug, or console, or indeed, SLAP THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF these peers-o-mine, I fear I’ll choke in the dank and cobwebby basements of Other People’s Problems.  In the months that this blog has lain dormant, it would appear that I’d forgotten my process, those personal inroads to a successful session behind a keyboard.  Writing for me is a silent act and solitary; a case of affixing my own oxygen mask first.  But today, I ignored my rule, and am, instead, thinking of you and you and you.  

And so I am diluted and living vicariously again instead of being present.  I am fighting your wars and battling your demons and grasping for your hands in the darkness.  I am with you, and for you, and rolling my eyes at the way you persist in singing the same old wretched song.  

But here is where I exit this tragic circle, because a thing remembered is never remembered too late.  Today I am scattered, scattered, disjointed and vaguely nauseas.  But tomorrow?  Look out for tomorrow, because somewhere in this mess is a vague hopefulness that is only my own, and goddamn, are you going to hear about it.  

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5 thoughts on “No Take Backs

  1. Can’t wait to hear it! I try real hard to not read anyone’s post until I write my own because then I feel all less than & stuff. I do want to add that if I could choose anyone to have my back, it would be you.

  2. I’ll tell you, though…the support you have given to me this year has been absolutely immeasurable. I hate that it’s at the cost of your own writing; but, you are one of my candles in this stupid, dark cave.

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